Stay Awake

Dad, can you please sing us Stay Awake?

Stay Awake.  It's a song from Marry Poppins, actually.  I've sang it to my daughters at bedtime since they were babies, and it always makes me tear up.  As the words relax them to sleep, I'm overcome with joy in having such wonderful children.

So how am I possibly going to get through singing this song to them tonight without loosing it?  It's midnight, and it's been a very long day.  They need to relax, to know their dad is okay so they can sleep.  I am certainly not okay.

My New Year's day started with a 5:30am wakeup call:

Erik, I've lost Daddy.  I woke up and his hand was cold.  I tried CPR but he's not coming back.

We thought he was free and clear after his heart surgery to repair an aneurism.  They discharged him yesterday, and everything was said to go well.  He only had to stay one night in the hospital.  How could this be happening?

I called my sisters while driving 80 miles per hour down 185th towards my parents house.  Nobody is on the road at 5:30am on New Years day. 

I've got to keep it together for my family.  Everyone is overcome with grief.  Someone needs to keep it together.

Like I said, it's been a long day.

So here it is, midnight, and my girls are so sad they lost their Grampa V.  I've got to pull it together for them.  I can't leave them here in their beds alone with their grief.

I grabbed a pair of swim goggles and squeeze them on my face.  The girls laugh.  Whenever you're about to start crying, you can interrupt it with a laugh, and it actually works!  I invite the girls to sing along with me as I sing all our classic bedtime favorites.  Kermit the Frog's Rainbow Connection and It's not Easy Being Green start things out.  Then a few old Raffi songs.  Then There's a Hole in the Bottom of the Sea.  I remember all the words to the song requests, no matter how obscure.  We get into a full-on sing-along at the top of our lungs. 

Then it's time for one last song, something to close the deal and put my girls to sleep.  They close their eyes, and I take a deep breath.  Be brave. 

Stay awake, don't rest your head
Don't lie down upon your bed
While the moon drifts in the skies
Stay awake, don't close your eyes
Though the world is fast asleep
Though your pillow's soft and deep
You're not sleepy as you seem
Stay awake, don't nod and dream
Stay awake, don't nod and dream

I nailed it.  The kids day is finally over, and they can sleep knowing their Dad is okay.  They know he's here, he's healthy, and he loves them dearly. 

I'm not going anywhere, my loves.